How to praise a child – psychologist’s tips

Even such a simple action as praise requires competence, understanding of the psychological laws of communication and perception. Otherwise, it is possible to unwittingly but seriously harm a teenager, to provoke resentment or irresponsibility in him or her.

The danger of overdose
It is commonly believed that praise, approval, encouragement definitely benefit the child, and that, having heard good words in his address, he begins to try even harder. Many people are familiar with the popular belief that praise is not much. And it, like vitamins, only improves the overall condition – self-esteem, diligence and motivation. But let’s remember that vitamins should be used carefully: in the right dosage and in the right situation. Otherwise, the effect will be doubtful.

Praise is also necessary skillfully, so as not to do harm. It would be good to keep this in mind for teachers themselves and to remind parents how to react to successes and disappointments. Psychologists have noted that parents who had problems with praise as children – under- or over-praised – try to pursue the exact opposite strategy with their child. They will find it especially helpful to remind them that in praise, as in any pedagogical technique, there must be moderation. As with medication, side effects are possible when overdosed.

Celebrate everyone
That you can not compare children with each other, that making an example of an excellent pupil to a failed pupil is bad for both of them, probably everyone knows. But publicly honoring a few children when others are neglected by adults has about the same effect.

Psychologists know that those who do not wait for praise “droop”, lose concentration, and stop listening to the adult. And the most ambitious and bullied teenagers may even decide to go for a “And we didn’t really want it!” style outburst if they do not get the recognition they were hoping for.

Therefore, when expressing your approval, it is a good idea to find a reason to celebrate the merits of each child. And necessarily in the direction where he or she really made a serious effort.

From the heart and for the cause.
Another well-known rule: it is worth to express approval or dissatisfaction with the action, not the person. “Well phrased,” “surprisingly neat,” “how accurately a metaphor was used,” sounds much preferable to “well done,” “clever.” Because if today suddenly it wasn’t neat, it would immediately change the whole child’s attitude, he’s no longer a clever girl? He is no longer loved? Frequent praise of this “wrong”, personal type can even cause a kind of dependence: a child, earning “smart”, chooses only easy tasks, avoiding those where he can make mistakes, but only on mistakes we all learn. And in general, he acquires a habit of ingratiating himself, guessing what will be pleasant to hear from an adult. If the “addicted” child enters a new environment, then, not hearing the usual “well done” from a teacher or coach, is lost, begins to worry that he did something wrong, and consider himself foolish, clumsy and unhappy.

An overdose of praise deprives you of freedom and independence. It is a good idea from time to time to remind yourself that the habit of constantly asking for encouragement acquired children, whom adults praise incessantly and for all sorts of nonsense. If a healthy twelve-year-old rinsed a cup after himself or tied his little sister’s shoelaces, there is hardly anything outstanding about it. Frequent and meaningless use devalues and devalues praise.

On the other hand, a child who hears exaggerated praise for the most ordinary of actions will quickly come to believe that the adult is insincere. It also happens that an adult, not knowing how to gain the trust of a teenager, praises him exaggeratedly and in every way praises his success. It is unlikely to be good for the relationship, as well as any falsity.

All said, this does not mean that the praise should be something like a rare exotic gift. There is no need to be stingy with kind words. In the appropriate form, they can be a strong assistant in the interaction with the child.

Pleasant and useful
Praise can be quite an effective means of education, which is much more beneficial than reproaches and punishments. It is beneficial if we make it informative. It’s nice to be patted on the head, but it’s good to know why: “It’s great that he helped his little brother to start cleaning: I was not worried that when the guests came there would be a mess. And it’s time to teach the kid to be independent, with your help, he’s more likely to learn.

With approval, we help the child understand what rules of behavior, values, and norms we consider worthy. Do not forget to assess aloud the child’s movements in a desirable direction. Fought the difficult problem to victory, invented his way of solving, showed independence, strength of will, active compassion, organizational talent – in a word, everything that we would like to support and develop in the child, can be a reason for praise.