Parental authority in parenting

What does parental authority rely on?
We must remember that the word “authority” comes from the Latin “auctoritas,” which first meant “judgment,” “advice,” and only later “influence, power,” as well as “prescription, command,” “right”-for example, the right to do something. In other words, one who has authority permits rather than threatens punishment or promises a reward. The child must be obedient as a result of agreement with you, not because he submits to you without complaint or because you have seduced him with something.

Parenting is about teaching your child the difference between what he is allowed to do and what he is not allowed to do.

• When a child is very young, you can use your parental authority, forbidding him to touch dangerous or dirty objects.
• At this age, the baby is guided mainly by the adult’s gaze and intonation – it’s the gaze and intonation that show him what he can and can’t do.
• Get angry and yell useless – you only scare the child and get the effect, the opposite of what is needed: the baby will answer your cries lethargy or make you angry.
• The child recognizes your authority only when all the bans are firmly digested, and interiorization, “appropriation” of these prohibitions occurs gradually, in the development of a baby.
• So, while your child is very small, to repeat it every time, what you can and what you can not, then behave perfectly normal. Education – it is repetition and patience.

What to do if your child says “no” to everything?
For a two-year-old, not recognizing authority figures is the most common reaction (see Disobedience). By saying “no” to you, the baby not only shows himself as a person, but also imitates your behavior when you forbid him something. We can say that at this time, the son or daughter identify with you, as a result of which they internalize and “appropriate” prohibitions.

• There is no tragedy here, and do not start to get angry right away: the child will eventually do what you expect of him, just a little late.
• Stand your ground, do not be afraid that the child will fall out of love with you: the reliability of your words has a reassuring effect on the baby.

You wonder if you’re not too strict with the child, or if you’re not too tolerant?
Of all the questions parents ask, these are probably the most common.

• Parental authority, parental power does not manifest itself in slapping or yelling: yelling at a child and hitting him or her is completely useless. Screaming and hitting begin when we feel that we have lost authority and the child does not hear us – this seems to be a natural reaction for tired, exhausted parents. It probably won’t particularly hurt if it doesn’t show often, that is, Mom and Dad will mostly still be restrained, but even if the child is yelled at and beaten quite rarely, he will never obey anything but force again.
• Rewards for “good behavior” are no longer effective and are now perceived either as an attempt to bend the child to something or as a way to blackmail him.
• It follows that obedience should be based only on the authority of the parents and that no additional benefits and privileges should be tempted to the child.
• Nevertheless, sometimes – say, if your kid has shown himself well in an exceptional situation – you can reward him with something.

What should you do if your child keeps provoking you and testing your power over him or her?
The adult has the right to allow or not allow something, his or her relationship with the child is not symmetrical, they are not on an equal footing.

• You can’t become a “mirror” of the child. If your baby declares that you are mean and he doesn’t like you, don’t answer him in the same way. And never bite him to get him to stop biting!
• Don’t achieve obedience with words that can hurt the child or lower his/her self-esteem.
• Be a role model for your child: By identifying with you, it will learn the rules of behavior better.
• Match your reaction to the problem. If you forgive your child some serious misconduct, and then, getting nervous and exhausted, severely punish him or her for a mere trifle, the child will not understand it, and will continue to test your patience.
• If the child is unfamiliar with other manifestations of parental authority than shouting, slapping and punishing, he often resorts to provocations.
• You can get out of the paradoxical situation where, no matter what you do, the child behaves worse and worse, with outside help.

You feel that your authority is challenged?
In order to raise your child normally, you need to feel entitled to do so, you need to know that you are authoritative for him, and expressed out loud reflections of grandparents or comments from third parties sometimes make you doubt it.

• Self-belief in parenting depends on your ability to abstract from other people’s judgments about it.
• Any person you trust your child – grandparents, caregivers, even stepfathers or stepmothers – can gain authority over your child and become authoritative for him or her.